The power of sadness

Photo by KatarzynaBialasiewicz/iStock / Getty Images

I became so emotional... I don't know how and when.

Back then...

When I first started having these strong waves of energy going through me, I couldn't stop them. They weren't positive at all. They felt overwhelming and dark. I was a teenager back then. Connecting with my mother was very helpful for me to deal with these emotions. But I wouldn't address them straight, I would rather cover it up with taking about other people, criticising, solving others' problems, psychoanalyse them. There would be no mention of this wave of panic and anxiety that just hit me. That I felt bad every day, that I felt pressure and competition. This mechanism was the first coping mechanism I developed to numb my emotions. I never allowed myself to cry, hurt. For almost two decades I was brushing them under the rug.

Change...

A turning point was starting my meditation. I was going within more and more often. When the wave of anxiety and panic was hitting me, I would go within. My practice included pure meditation and hypnosis but also running, exercising watching short comedy films. All these forms were balancing my brain and therefore mood, or maybe mood and therefore brain... They have been bringing homeostasis to my nervous system, which in practice made fear fade away and zen come in.

I started feeling and experiencing emotions.

Now...

It's been happening to me to burst into tears. Quite often. When I'm sad. It's been only recently that I started liking it. I am not scared of it. I am quite curious to feel what is going to come up, I let this feeling go up and over. I feel the power of the emotion more than the emotion itself. The power in the sense of energy. And it's been truly powerful and at the same beautiful just to experience this sort of strength. It feels so different from where I started.

Unblocked and flowing...

Reborn...

Feeling again, living again :)